How to Stay Focused On A Conversation In English In A Noisy Environment, and what to do when you fail!

Speaker A: 00:00:00

As far as I know, there are two ways to listen to anything happening around you. You can listen passively or you can listen actively.

If you're listening passively to something or to someone, you're aware of the general idea of what they are saying and maybe the overall message of a song, for example. But if someone were to ask you for details about what you were hearing, you'd likely struggle to come up with very many.

Active listening is the opposite to passive. When you're listening actively to something or to someone, you are trying your very best to follow the details of what you hear.

This kind of listening often not always happens when you're talking with someone or are in a class that you're really interested in. For example, you're trying to understand every single word you hear.

And to be clear, both kinds of listening, active and passive, are important and helpful for you as you work on your English skills, but they lead to very different outcomes, don't they?

Passive listening is great for building a general understanding of something, while active listening is great for helping you to pay attention to details.

I've found that the most challenging of the two is active listening, because it doesn't take very much for a distraction to happen, and then you've lost something important in what you've been trying to listen to.

And that can affect you a lot as you're practicing your English or working to get ready for this Help whip and today that's what we're going to talk about.

What you can do when you're trying your best to stay focused on something or someone you're trying to listen to, but keep getting pulled off target by something happening around you. Well, hello there and welcome to the Speak English Fearlessly Podcast.

This is the podcast for motivated English learners who want to speak English fearlessly and learn practical tips and strategies to conquer the CELPIP exam.

I also love to feature encouraging interviews with regular people, people just like you, who are working towards becoming fluent in English so we can learn from their experiences together. Who am I?

My name is Aaron Nelson and I've been an English teacher for over 17 years and I'm a certified CELPIP trainer and I now help students prepare for the CELPIP exam through online classes. Yesterday at work I was helping out with a meal that we were serving to celebrate those who were having a birthday this month.

The room was packed with people and as you can imagine at a birthday event there were lots of conversations happening all at once. The room where we were was noisy. I sat beside two people I wanted to try and connect a little bit more with.

And as we ate, my conversation with the lady next to me took off. We were having a great visit together, and she seemed to have lots she wanted to chat about. But have you ever had this happen to you?

You're trying your best to stay focused on a conversation, but you suddenly become very aware of another conversation happening right next to you. Like, you somehow start to follow that conversation they are having instead of the one you're actively participating in? Well, that was me yesterday.

During a small pause in the conversation I was having with the lady I just told you about, I heard a fragment of what the people on the other side of me were saying. And suddenly it was like someone snuck an invisible hook into my brain and began constantly pulling my attention their way.

And it wasn't because I was being nosy. The conversation happening was loud enough that other people were also joining in, so it would have been totally fine for me as.

But I was with someone else and their conversation right now. Or at least I was supposed to be.

Have you ever been in a situation like that before where you are involved in a conversation with someone and you suddenly get distracted by something or someone else nearby? It can feel like you're being pulled in half, right?

You want to pay attention to the person you're talking with, but at the same time, the other conversation begins to pull at you so much, your attention kind of falls ap. Have you experienced that, or is it just me? Well, that's what happened to me yesterday as I was telling you.

And I hate to admit it, but for a few minutes, I struggled to remain focused with the lady I had been speaking with.

She'd be telling me something, but all of a sudden, I'd find myself mentally catching more words from what was happening on the other side of me, and I lose track of. Of what my friend was trying to tell me. Realizing what happened, I tried to pull my attention back to the lady I was talking with.

I'm sorry, what did you say? I stammered. She just asked me a question. Oh, gosh, how embarrassing. I missed what she was asking me.

I apologized and asked, could you repeat that part again? I couldn't hear what you said. And to be fair, my friend is terribly shy and speaks very softly, so it can be tough to hear her at the best of times.

But up to that point, we had been talking together just fine, simply because I was completely focused on what she was saying. Everything got tricky for me when I heard the conversation happening on the other side of me.

My friend happily repeated what she had said and our talk got going again, but only for a few seconds, I'm afraid. Before once again I somehow heard a word or two of the conversation happening beside me. Ugh. I got disconnected again.

I felt so bad I wasn't trying to stop listening to my friend, but it was almost like I couldn't stop myself from following the talk happening nearby. I tried moving a bit closer to my friend and apologized once more. I'm so sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you now.

She repeated herself again and again. I had a hard time hearing her because of that loud conversation happening next to me. Oh man, I remember saying to myself. I've got to focus here.

Thankfully, my friend turned her voice up a little. That helped, and thankfully we managed to get onto a conversation topic where it was more back and forth instead of me just listening.

That made paying attention a bit easier too, I'm glad to say. Afterwards, I was thinking about what had just happened and how frustrating it had felt.

It had literally felt like someone had been tugging my attention away against my will. The pull was almost irresistible. I bet you know what I'm talking about, right?

And I know this irresistible pull is even stronger when you're trying to pay attention in your second language. It doesn't seem to take very much to throw you off track, does it? At least it doesn't for me when I'm using my Spanish.

I found the more crowded and noisy the room is, the easier it is for me to get pulled off course. So that got me thinking about you today. Are there things you can do to help stay focused when you're trying to talk with someone in English?

I think there are. Here's what helped me the most to stay focused with my friend yesterday. Maybe these ideas will help you too.

I asked her to repeat what she had said when I got lost. You know what? Don't be afraid to do that yourself.

If you are in a conversation and suddenly find yourself not paying attention anymore, apologize and ask them to repeat what they just said. As I shared in my story, we do this all the time in our first language, don't we? I know I do.

If I don't hear or understand what someone says the first time around, I'm not shy to ask them to repeat what they just said. It's kind of normal, but I bet it doesn't feel normal to you when you're doing it in English, your second language.

There's kind of more baggage attached to asking someone to repeat what they just said. Isn't There. There's. I don't want to look stupid by asking someone to repeat themselves. Oh man, that's a common one. Or how about this?

I shouldn't need to ask this. By now, I should be able to understand first time around. I must suck at English. That's also terribly common and terribly destructive to listen to.

But remember, we ask people to repeat themselves all the time in our first language. At least I do, and there isn't that much of a stigma against it. It's normal.

Therefore, allow yourself to see asking someone to repeat themselves in English, your second language, as being normal too, with no other negative baggage attached to it. In fact, it's even to be expected. You're working much harder to understand and be understood when you're using your second language, aren't you?

So give yourself a break, okay? Number two, Move closer. It's tough to track with a conversation in your second language when there's lots of noise around you.

I know exactly how hard that can be. Don't be afraid to move a bit closer, within reason, of course.

Or find a way to reposition yourself so you can hear better, maybe moving away from louder spots in the room if you can, so you can better hear the person you're trying to speak with. And don't be afraid to ask your conversation partner if they'd mind moving with you to a quieter part of the room so that you can hear better.

I've done this before in both English and in Spanish. Cutting out noise competition can make a huge difference for you, so don't be afraid to do it whenever it's possible.

And finally, number three, persist. Don't give up again. Losing track with someone feels terribly frustrating.

And when it happens in your second language, it can even feel like, I suck at this. Maybe I'm not even good at English. I can't even have a simple conversation with someone. But don't listen to this.

As I shared, Having breakdowns in your attention or focus happens all the time, even in your first language. But keep at it.

Instead of getting upset with yourself when you realize you're focused on the wrong thing, gently pull yourself back into focus on the person you're trying to talk with. Tell yourself, hey, it's okay, I got distracted. I'm focusing on where I want to focus right now.

Practice this often, because you'll experience it often. It's kind of normal. But what we tell ourselves about ourselves when it happens can make a massive difference. And this is a bonus.

We talked about this last episode, but taking notes while you are listening to a podcast or a lecture or a radio program can transform the way you stay focused. Now, you'll likely won't be taking notes when you're in a conversation with someone, because that would be kind of weird, wouldn't it?

But practicing note taking in other listening activities does make a difference, and those effects will eventually spill over into your conversation, so you'll be able to understand what they are telling you far easier. You'll find yourself being able to stay focused much longer.

To help you with taking notes, I want to let you know about a free note taking cheat sheet that I have created for you. It comes with several note taking tips as well as a printable note taking template that you can use to help you as you practice.

Like I said, it's absolutely free. Just go to celpipsuccess.com resources to download your copy today. That's celpipsuccess.com resources and download your note taking template today.

Hey, thanks so much for listening to this week's episode. I hope you found it helpful and that you enjoyed it. Please come back again next Tuesday for the next episode. Have a great week. Bye.