Feeling Muted? Here’s How to Find Your Voice in English

Speaker A: 00:00:01

Hey, come with me. I've got something to talk with you about.

Have you ever had it happen where you're in the middle of a conversation, you're using English, or at least you're trying to, and you are totally understanding what's going on inside the conversation all around you, but then when everything gets quiet and you realize, oh, it's my turn to speak, do you ever find that your brain just kind of slows down? It feels like, oh, no, I can't come up with what I want to say next.

It's like everything freezes up here, and all the English that you thought you knew just somehow goes out the window. Or it slows down so much that you end up feeling like you've been put on mute?

Almost like the ideas that you have, the smarts that you have up here somehow don't make it down to your mouth and out of your mouth so that you can express all your great ideas, all the things that you know, all the things that you want to say to someone else that you can do quite easily in your first language, but somehow deeply struggle with when you're trying to do it in your second language, which is, in our case, using English.

And you somehow feel less intelligent or less smart when you're trying to use English, but in your first language, you can express these ideas effortlessly, like, they just come out. And you feel so much smarter in your first language than you do in your second language. Does that ever happen to you?

I had this question come in from a listener to this podcast, and it's something that I've spoken with people who are also learning to use English as their second language. And it's something that I've experienced myself, you know, as I was learning and am learning to use my second language, which is Spanish.

I've had this feeling. I know what this feeling feels like. It is so dang frustrating, and it's. It's spot on.

When you say that you feel muted and you say that you feel like somehow less intelligent when you're trying to use your second language. That is so frustrating, isn't it? And discouraging. And you just end up feeling like. Well, like you don't want to keep trying.

You just feel like people are dismissing you.

You're feeling like people don't take you seriously because you can't seem to get your ideas that you have up here to come out with the same speed or with the exact same accuracy as maybe you could, as you totally could if you were using your first language. And if that's you.

If that's something that you are struggling with, then I want to talk with you today and first of all let you know that if that is you, if that's how you feel, then you need to know that it's not. You're not like the only one who struggles with this. It's like a widespread phenomenon.

Like when you are learning a second language or a third language.

It takes time, a lot of time to build up your fluency skills, to build up your ability to very quickly move what you have up here and have it come out here, this in the same speed or the same kind of accuracy as you can do with your first language. It takes a lot of time. So I guess the first thing I want to offer you is.

And it doesn't necessarily help, maybe, but just to encourage yourself in knowing that you're not the only one, that there's lots of people out there. I've struggled with it. I know so many other people who struggle with this. So, you know, you're not the only one. You're not an oddball.

You're not like stupid because it happens to you. I think it's a normal part of learning how to use a second language. So that's the first thing I want to offer you, is you're not abnormal.

You are normal. It's a. It's a regular thing that happens.

And if you ever hear people say, I don't know if there are language gurus out there or language influencers out there who seem to project this idea that you never will struggle like this, or that if, like, they project this image of they never have struggled with this when using their second language. I would strongly suggest you don't listen to them anymore because they're not telling the truth.

I think that it's just a common experience when you are trying to learn a new language.

Of course there's going to be times where what you want to say up here gets somehow stuck or slows down when you're trying to actually express what you're wanting to say. So that's my first thing to offer to you.

The second thing, like, I'm thinking about my own experiences when I've had this feeling happen to me in Spanish, which is my second language. I can remember events like parties. I can remember events just like social gatherings with friends or with family.

And most of those situations are with large groups.

Now that I'm thinking about it, which didn't play into my more introverted levels or introverted comfort areas, like, I already feel Like, I was at a bit of a disadvantage, you know, because I'm an introvert. I prefer small groups.

And when I am in situations where I'm with lots of people, even in my first language, I tend to be very quiet and reserved, which isn't really who I am. You know, like, as I get to know people in the group, I tend to come out. I tend to be a little bit more of who I am.

But in big groups, even with people that I know, I can tend to be a little bit quieter, especially at the beginning. Now, put me in that situation in my second language, in Spanish, and, you know, the levels of difficulty just go up.

Like, I'm sure how you feel when it's you trying to use English with lots of other people and it's happening all around you, and then all of a sudden it's an opportunity for you to participate. So I get where you're coming from if this is your problem.

And like I was saying a moment ago, I was reflecting on my own experiences with this and thinking about how I could respond to this question. And I can tell you one thing that really sticks out to me as I don't know if it's a regret. I don't know if I would call this a regret.

Or maybe I just didn't know probably that I just don't think I understood or knew what I was doing to myself when I did this. And that is, I would kind of like check out in the middle of big group settings.

Like, I would hear what's going on, but I would kind of tell myself, you know what? This isn't for me. This is just too loud, it's too noisy, it's too scary. Or I just don't feel like I have anything that I want to contribute.

And if I do, I'll probably, you know, make a mistake. So maybe I'll just become invisible in the group and hope that there's not an opportunity me to speak.

And I would end up spending the evening or the time in that group of people. If it were a party or a family gathering, I can say with all honesty that I would spend a bad time because of my own thinking.

You know, I would think myself out of being able to enjoy a wonderful evening with people.

It didn't happen all the time, but it happened frequently enough that I can remember that happening inside of me, of that just checking out mentally, my body would be there, but me, my mind, my heart, the things that I could contribute to the conversation and actually have a fun time doing it, that Part I just switched off, and I ended up, you know, feeling kind of crappy or feeling kind of like, oh, this is so boring. I kind of wish I didn't come. Sadly, that happened to me more times than. Than what I care to admit, and I'm admitting it to you right now.

And I realize now, like, 10, 15 years later, what I could have done differently. And that's something I want to offer to you. If you struggle with this, don't allow yourself to switch off.

Don't allow yourself to turn into a passive, you know, participant in.

In a group setting where English is happening all around you and you have that mental, you know, conversation going on that's telling you, you know what? Don't take the risk. Don't make a mistake. You don't have anything good to say anyway. And even if you do try, you're gonna make.

You're gonna make a fool of yourself because it's not gonna come out exactly the way that you want it to, and you're gonna feel, you know, like a fool or you're gonna feel silly in the middle of a group of people. My suggestion for you, and it's one that I'm taking, I take on for myself, even with my first.

Even in English, which is my first language, I need to have these kinds of conversations with myself about not being a passive participant in group conversations. That's a tendency for me, even in English. And it's even more of a tendency for me when it comes to opportunities to use my second language.

Even today, after, you know, I don't know, like, 17 or 18 years of being able to fluently understand what's going on in Spanish and being able to engage in conversations with people. I'm not 100% fluent, by the way, but I know I can definitely do well in most every conversation with me while making lots of mistakes along the way.

But I know I can do it. I know I can understand what's happening, and I know I can engage with who. Whoever it is I'm talking to.

But like I said, I kind of have to be purposeful about it and not switch off mentally. Maybe that's something for you as well, to not allow yourself to go in that well. I'm just going to check out and not participate in this.

That is the worst thing that you can do.

If this is your problem, if this is your challenge, that you're trying to increase your response times from, you know, what you hear happening around you to when it's your turn to speak. The worst thing that you can do is just be mentally checking out of these opportunities when they happen all around you.

And if you're living in Canada already, these conversations and these opportunities, I guarantee you are happening all the time, all around you, and they are by far the scariest but the most effective one. Ways or way for you to be building this skill. There is literally no other way to go about it. You cannot study your way out of this.

You cannot, you know, hide behind a book and try to read your way out of this situation. The only way forward is to actually be in it more. That's my second point. You cannot avoid these things.

If you're wanting to improve that response time, you need to put yourself into those situations. Situations where you need to respond and do it as quickly as you can. And that sucks. It does suck. I wish that there was some way that you could.

I've said this before on other podcast episodes. And by the way, now that I'm 12 minutes and 30 seconds into this episode. Hi, my name is Aaron. Welcome to the Celpip Success Podcast.

I'm so glad that you're here at. I'm going to continue on talking now so that I don't get lost, but I just wanted to make sure that I welcome you to this channel and to this podcast.

We talk about all things getting ready for the CELPIP exam, all things to help you to build your English skills, and I hope that you'll continue listening or watching whatever it is that you are doing. Okay, so back to what I was saying before, and I. I lost my train of thought. How's that? I was saying that the only way to deal with this is.

Is by actually doing it. There's no other way. And I was going to say before, wouldn't it be great if you've ever seen the Matrix? I've talked about this in other episodes.

I know I have, but it would be so fantastic if you could just get like a computer chip or get a program and you could just plug it into yourself and all of a sudden that would become something that you're good at doing. Just like what happens to Neo in the Matrix. He learns how to, you know, all the.

All the martial arts he learns by just plugging in that programming into his body and it just becomes who he is. That would be fantastic, wouldn't it? If we could do that with learning English or whatever language that you're trying to learn.

In this case, I know it's English. It would just be fantastic if we could just plug that in. But sadly, at Least for now, we can't do it.

The only way to accomplish these kinds of levels of confidence and proficiency with English is by using what we have as often and frequently as we can. There's no other way, my friend. So that's. I don't know if it's my second idea or my third thing for you today is don't disconnect.

But put yourself into those opportunities more often so that you can practice moving your thinking into what you're saying. It only gets better that way. It only gets better that way. I can't think of any other way for you to improve.

There's a couple of things that you can do that will help you, though, along the way. Some, I wouldn't call them hacks, but they are things that will kind of level up or help you to improve your speaking skills.

And the first one that I would like to offer you is to be always watching or listening to the English that's happening around you.

The watching part could be from watching your favorite TV show or your, you know, your favourite movie, your favorite podcast, whatever you enjoy listening to or enjoy watching, pay attention to the way the speakers or the characters or whoever's in this, the way they express ideas.

I promise you, if you listen with that intention, if you listen to something and you hear the way that they say something, express an idea and you think, I like the way that they did that. Here's the suggestion. Record what they said. Like, write it down. Write it down word for word. Or, you know, record it in your. In your memory.

Like, if you just hear the way somebody says it, like we have my. My son and I.

One of our favorite Star wars movie lines is when Obi Wan Kenobi drops into a scene and he's like falling into the middle of this group of villains and he says this line, well, hello there. Well, hello there. I'm not going to get his. His accent exactly right, but that has become one of our catchphrases.

Will walk into the room or we'll be doing something and then one of us will say, well, hello there. Like copying what this actor said. And that's something that you can be doing as well.

Listen for words and for phrases that you think are cool, copy them and use them yourself. That will build up your fluency skills.

And if you use it enough, it will help you to be able to express ideas really, really well if you use it frequently. So always be listening to how people express things in movies or on podcasts or on the radio or in even day to Day conversations.

That's another one of the things that I was going to suggest to you.

If you are in a conversation with someone or you are maybe listening to a conversation that's happening around you that you're not direct involved in, you'll probably hear phrases or ideas and think.

I liked how they said that you should try to use the way they said it yourself when it's like when you have an opportunity to speak, borrow their ways of expressing your of borrow their ways of expressing ideas and you use them. This is also a great way for you to build your the, your phrase bank. You know, the things that will help you to express your ideas.

Borrow from other people and use it yourself. Especially if you think it's cool, you try it.

And I found, as I was thinking through this, I did a little bit of searching around and I found a really interesting webpage. It's called All Things Linguistic. And I'm going to link to it in my show notes today if you want to check it out.

But they mentioned two ideas that I wanted to pass along to you because I thought they were pretty clever. The first one is they called it pre Think.

And what it means is that pre thinking is to think about common conversations that you know you will face in a run of a day.

You know, like conversations like the beginning of the day when you come face to face with maybe a coworker or a friend and they'll say, hey, how are you doing? Or if it's Monday and the weekend just went by, I know for me the top question that I hear people ask is how was your weekend?

Don't let those be spaces where you freeze. And the way to deal with it, according to this idea, and I totally agree by the way with this, is to think about, well, what did I do on the weekend?

Like if you know, Monday morning's coming and it's Sunday night and you know you're going to get asked this question and you want to have an answer ready.

Think about what you during the weekend in English and think about how you would describe what you did to your co worker or to your friend who's probably going to ask you when they see you, what did you do? Think about what you'll say and then practice describing it to yourself before that conversation actually happens.

So that's kind of like pre thinking. Think about what you'll probably face as far as conversation goes during the day, what you'd say, how you'd respond. Build that response.

Practice it maybe once or twice just so that it's kind of formed in your mind and then you'll be ready for when those conversations come the next day.

Another thing, and this is kind of like pre thinking, but another thing that the All Things Linguistic website suggests is that you think about the things that you did today or the things that you are planning to do, like say on the weekend or during the summer. Think about them. Think about how you would describe it to someone who maybe you'd want to express these ideas to.

And then just like what we were saying before, plan out the things that you would say, how you would like to express those ideas to that person. They ask you, so what did you do yesterday? Or do you have any plans for the weekend?

Or I mean, at my workplace right now, there's a lot of talking about vacation plans, which is really good because our supervisors, the people over us, are wanting to make sure that we are taking our allotted vacation times. They don't want us to burn out.

They don't want us, you know, to work all year long without taking time off to recharge, to spend, spend time with our friends and our families and just to enjoy not having to go to work. So they're really good at encouraging us to take time off. And just the other day my supervisor asked me, so do you have any vacation plans?

And if so, what are you thinking to do?

Just as a, as a friendly conversation with the intention of trying to get me to put my vacation times down because I'm notoriously not very good at that. So they've been encouraging me to do that. Now what if that happened to you and you were asked that question or another one?

I don't know what kind of questions you might find yourself having to respond to, but thinking about what your answer would be and thinking through how you would respond to that question in your first language and in your second language and practicing your answer will help you to improve your response time when it comes time for you to have that conversation with somebody. So that's kind of the strategy that I would pass on to you. Well, I'm sharing this strategy from All Things Linguistic, that website.

I think it's a really powerful one. Think about what you probably going to have to talk about.

Then think about how you would actually talk about those things and plan out what you would say and practice what you would say in your second language in English. I'm not going to say second language anymore because we know that we're talking about English in here, right?

So think about it before you actually need to use it.

I hope that these ideas help you and if you still find that you are struggling with your speaking skills in English, my friend, I want to invite you to join me inside the CELPIP Success School. It is the most introvert friendly place on the Internet to help you get ready for the speaking section of the CELPIP exam.

There's going to be links and information in the show notes today. If that's something that you are struggling with and you're looking for help, you're looking for support.

If this video, if this podcast episode was helpful for you, if you then you're going to enjoy the self of success school. Like I said before, there's going to be a links and information in the show notes today in the description. Please check it out and come and join me.

Have a wonderful rest of your week and thank you for listening. Come back again next time for well, hopefully more helpful information for you as you get ready to take your CELPIP exam.

Or if you're just working to improve your English in general. Have a good one. Bye bye.